Uncovered Treasure From My Teens

Here it is

I took the time to step outside myself and open up my door,

to see if there was something missing from me or if there was more,

and to find the answers that I think I’m looking for.

Life’s full of questions and each time one is answered there seems to be just one more.

I believe I have the answers, but to find them I’d have to reach my inner core.

If I have the answers then I ask, what am I looking for?

I know the right things in life I’m supposed to do. 

I know the wrong thing’s in life I’m not to do.

I know what philosophies to live by,

I know that it is okay to cry. 

I know to take my innocence along with me,

I know the only one who gives me freedom is me.

What I know is that I know nothing.

I don’t know how to live to live.

I don’t know how much life can give.

I’m still young, still a song un-sung, a puzzle left un-done,

still half empty of half full,

still trying so hard to be cool.

Now that I’m outside myself I’m looking through my window.

The glass used to be so unclear, but I did grow.

I’m still like a 4th grade project wrapped up in paper mache.

You still can’t see me or hear what I have to say. I want to find my authentic self,

I want to express my inner wealth.

I won’t try, I’ll just do it.

I’ll rip it off; uncover the soft.

I know the right things in life I’m supposed to do. 

I know the wrong thing’s in life I’m not to do.

I know what philosophies to live by,

I know that it is okay to cry. 

I know to take my innocence along with me,

I know the only one who gives me freedom is me.

I used to look at all my problems as an excuse.

I used to look at all my problems as problems.

Not anymore, life’s no longer a chore,

no longer a bore, but a quest.

I underestimated the value of what I have.

I used to fly by the good to find the bad.

Then I came here and everything changed.

I’ve turned the page in my book,

’cause you opened my eyes; you made me take a second look.

I know the right things in life I’m supposed to do. 

I know the wrong thing’s in life I’m not to do.

I know what philosophies to live by,

I know that it is okay to cry. 

I know to take my innocence along with me,

I know the only one who gives me freedom is me.

Thrown into high school, 0 was my score.

I knew I came here for a reason, now my score is more.

I thought that by now, I’d meet the undiscovered me,

what I didn’t realize is that life is like a tree,

and she is at the top and right now I am as high as can be.

The her I’m searching for is the me I see in my dreams, the me I think I must redeem.

I have circled around me for hours.

Thought and thought, took many showers.

Now here I am back in my skin. I feel as though I did win.

I am in chains, but I won’t commit a sin.

I finally broke down my door, what else in life could I ask for?

I wrote this song/poem when I was 15 years old. My freshmen English teacher, Bo Cheli, assigned us the unorthodox homework to write a song. Not only did he make us write it, he made us SING it in front of the entire class. I was the first in my class to go. “Who will go first? (Cheli scans the room) …ABG, you’re up”. (In my head, “Ohhh gawwwwd, whyyy?!”) It was obviously so nerve-wrecking, but still a memory I’ll always look back on so very fondly as it was actually not so bad exposing myself my fellow-classmates at that time. Of course we were all such different people, but sitting there in that room made us one. With the help of Cheli and his teaching, we all understood each other. We were all there for each other. I’m amazed at what I expressed here. Geez, who was that girl? Is she still in here? Can I be her? I’ve probably achieved more than that girl ever imagined she’d do in life. I’d make her so proud. That makes me smile. But she wouldn’t like my inner voices at all. Cheli was my current age when he taught that class. I’m curious what freed him from the powerful grip of scary adulthood. I’ve just begun to loosen the grip. I won’t quit. I’ve got my work cut out for me, but I’ve conquered worse! Uncovering this poem gives me even more strength to stop being so scared and take my rightful place as the one who has the grip on life and all it has to offer!

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